New Doctors

Doesn’t that make you cringe when you think about it?

First, it’s the paperwork- I think there’s more and more added every time I go to a new doctor. Never mind all the new information I need supply and the old info too. I have had to do this so much you’d think it would be like an old hat. Instead, it just zaps the energy out of me, and then I avoid doing it for another day. Procrastination has never been a part of my personality, but hand me some new patient paperwork, and that all changes.

Then, of course, you have to think about what to say- and more importantly, what not to say. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying purposely withhold important info. But going into an appointment with the equivalent of a dissertation in your hands? I have found that it’s more of a hindrance than being beneficial. All those details from well over a decade just throw everything off course. Keeping it minimal seems to be best. Then over time giving all the pertinent details. I just have such a long and complicated health history and I don’t want to overwhelm a doctor. So I have to prioritize, that’s easier said than done. It all seems important.

One of the side effects of being in the medical community for an extended period (I think we can all own up to this at some point), is that we tend to value our own opinion over the doctors. This kind of attitude doesn’t exactly build a good relationship. It brings about an over-complicated and unnecessary bumpy road. I’d like to think I haven’t done something like that often, but I doubt it.

The thing is when you’ve been burned by doctors, it’s excessively more difficult to open up and build an effective relationship. I’ve been judged consistently by my appearance. Having an immaculate image seems to be a point against me. I don’t really show the misery I’m in, I’m the type to hide it- makes me feel safer and less vulnerable. I know I’ve looked standoffish to a handful of doctors in the past as well, which is apparently another point against me. Add into all that a relatively young-ish woman who doesn’t have a job at this point… I’m in a bit of a pickle.

I wish I could say I’ve overcome most of this, but the anxiety of seeing a new doctor remains ever-present. How do you work past that? I’ve yet to figure it out, I suppose with age it will fade. I’d rather it happen now though. It’s embarrassing to me to still have that anxiety/fear. My limited amount of energy is better spent elsewhere. For example, the continual adventure of finding a job that can work around my health…

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